[ It's not an accurate expression of the level of gratitude that Neal's feeling, of course, but only because the sting hasn't quite worn off. He feels so often that he's living at the behest of others, and he doesn't want that, even if he sometimes needs it.
Trying to remind himself that Stark's always been on his side, he puts himself to work as Tony's directing, his wine discarded in the event that a fourth had might be needed. That Tony provides a place and plenty of distractions doesn't mean he's trying to steer Caffrey's life, at least. He feels he can (mostly) be himself here, that Stark understands why they don't trust Neal, but also why Neal's so frustrated they won't. ]
[ He mutters, then: ] It's never not going to be an uphill battle. Nights like this make me wonder why I stay. I know why I do, but riding through that feeling gets harder every time.
[ He hates the feeling of disappointment he generates in others, even when he's doing what he's supposed to, as Tony had noted. It's a pervasive feeling tonight and since all Neal ever wants is to do a good job at what he puts his mind to, he's a little lost. Yes, occasionally what he needs to do is something that leans on the shadowy side of the law, but no one complains when he's effective (although they sure batch on the lead-up to that). ]
They'll keep their distance tonight; I appreciate the sanctuary, anyway.
[Working fast while he has the help, Tony does some rewiring on the fly, humming in approval when he gets the circuitry put into place, far more streamlined than it was before and with less chance of a lucky shot tearing through anything important.
His head tips as Neal talks, an indicator he's listening even as he keeps his eyes on the job.]
Eventually it won't. Probably. Maybe. I don't know, you'd know better than me, but.
[He finishes what he's doing, sits back with a satisfied nod, wipes off the soldering gun and tosses it back in its holster on the work bench, then gives Neal a speculative look.]
It's harder this way. Yeah. I know, uh. A little something about that. Plus if you left I'd miss our little late night cocktail hour gab sessions. We'd have to Skype, it would be a whole thing.
[ It's clear enough that he feels at least a little bad for thinking it, although it's obvious they both understand why. It's hard to give up the people you care about, but harder yet to stick around and see them hurting.
He pokes around Tony's work, not touching but snooping. Neal's not all that technologically inclined, but he's got a good mind for figuring things out. Beyond that, as an artist, he can appreciate all sorts of work for the effort involved. Well-placed, well-soldered wires were an art of their own and for what it's worth Stark's a mad genius. It always catches Neal's attention how Tony's chaos lives on such a high level, it just appears to be a whirlwind of things that can't possibly tie out.
He purses his lips and then sighs, apparently ready to give in to his thoughts. ]
You're right, that sounds like way more effort than trudging over on foot every time I want to sulk.
[ Neal softens. ]
One of these days I'll repay the favor. Until then, I'll make an effort to send fewer texts out of desperation. Unless I'm bringing the wine.
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no subject
[ It's not an accurate expression of the level of gratitude that Neal's feeling, of course, but only because the sting hasn't quite worn off. He feels so often that he's living at the behest of others, and he doesn't want that, even if he sometimes needs it.
Trying to remind himself that Stark's always been on his side, he puts himself to work as Tony's directing, his wine discarded in the event that a fourth had might be needed. That Tony provides a place and plenty of distractions doesn't mean he's trying to steer Caffrey's life, at least. He feels he can (mostly) be himself here, that Stark understands why they don't trust Neal, but also why Neal's so frustrated they won't. ]
[ He mutters, then: ] It's never not going to be an uphill battle. Nights like this make me wonder why I stay. I know why I do, but riding through that feeling gets harder every time.
[ He hates the feeling of disappointment he generates in others, even when he's doing what he's supposed to, as Tony had noted. It's a pervasive feeling tonight and since all Neal ever wants is to do a good job at what he puts his mind to, he's a little lost. Yes, occasionally what he needs to do is something that leans on the shadowy side of the law, but no one complains when he's effective (although they sure batch on the lead-up to that). ]
They'll keep their distance tonight; I appreciate the sanctuary, anyway.
no subject
His head tips as Neal talks, an indicator he's listening even as he keeps his eyes on the job.]
Eventually it won't. Probably. Maybe. I don't know, you'd know better than me, but.
[He finishes what he's doing, sits back with a satisfied nod, wipes off the soldering gun and tosses it back in its holster on the work bench, then gives Neal a speculative look.]
It's harder this way. Yeah. I know, uh. A little something about that. Plus if you left I'd miss our little late night cocktail hour gab sessions. We'd have to Skype, it would be a whole thing.
no subject
He pokes around Tony's work, not touching but snooping. Neal's not all that technologically inclined, but he's got a good mind for figuring things out. Beyond that, as an artist, he can appreciate all sorts of work for the effort involved. Well-placed, well-soldered wires were an art of their own and for what it's worth Stark's a mad genius. It always catches Neal's attention how Tony's chaos lives on such a high level, it just appears to be a whirlwind of things that can't possibly tie out.
He purses his lips and then sighs, apparently ready to give in to his thoughts. ]
You're right, that sounds like way more effort than trudging over on foot every time I want to sulk.
[ Neal softens. ]
One of these days I'll repay the favor. Until then, I'll make an effort to send fewer texts out of desperation. Unless I'm bringing the wine.